Monday, January 12, 2015

Top 10 Most Domeless Heads in Sports Today


10. Dany Heatley: "Hot Wheels" Heatley is one of the nuttier hockey heads that has ever strapped on a pair of skates. He is an incredibly gifted hockey player who can't seem to stay out of life's penalty box. The only things that overshadow his accomplishments are his fuck-ups. The man went from "50 in '07," to killing a teammate while driving drunk. His toe-drag in the '04 All-Star Game, to a $11 million lawsuit with his agent. But honestly he isn't the craziest guy, but my buddy Hurt Bert loves him, and Hurt is the          definition of a Domeless head.


9. Nick "Swaggy P" Young: Lakers SF reinvented the definition of domelessness.  He was bequeathed a nickname not  by anyone else but is in fact self proclaimed.  Swaggy P does seem to fit well, when asked about the origins of this name he claimed "Swaggy cuz I'm Swaggy and P, baby". That explanations shows us all the root of Swaggy P. To top if off Swaggy also dates Iggy Izalea and is very vocal about his affections toward her ass. Beloved in Lakerland for his known spurts of extreme scoring there is nothing about Swaggy's persona that isn't extreme in one way or another.




8. Marshawn Lynch : Not only is Marshawn domeless this guy is straight up incoherent. I don't think Marshawn's refusal to talk to the media is a statement about anything else other than the fact that he's simply too domeless to even have a human conversation. His responses are so nutty that the media has a field day every time his mouth gets within spitting distance of a microphone. Top that with that fact that the man went grand theft auto on a golf cart and has a strange obsession with skittles you truly have a unique product.




7.  Floyd Mayweather Jr.: Unquestionably the greatest boxer of his generation, and unquestionably the dumbest self-made millionaire of all time. He has never lost in the ring, but did lose over $100 million dollars in 2007 when he reportedly filed for bankruptcy. Mayweather is the most lavish head on planet earth. He has three Bugatti's each worth two million dollars; they are pretty much the same car. Recently Floyd gave away a million dollars to a random person for liking and sharing his Facebook post. Mayweather has no clue what taxes are, and he surrounds himself with some of the worst financial planners of all time. The man will be dead or broke in ten years.

6.  Kurt Busch: 2004 Cup Series World champion Kurt Busch, after being accused of domestic violence used one of the more creative and domeless defeneses I've heard to date. Kurt Busch claimed his girlfriend Patricia Driscoll was actually a covert assassian and forced used against her was self defense. Kurt states, "Driscoll is an assassin for the U.S. government who would go on covert missions around the world." On top of that he says Driscoll claimed a character in the movie " Zero Dark Thirty" was bas based on her and other women." Ok, Kurt lets get this straight your girlfriend not only is a CIA assassin for the U.S. government but also is a part of Seal Team Six?? This may be the single handed worse defense to domestic violence ever, whoever Mr. Busch's lawyer needs to give back all fees because his legal advice is worse than Gary Buseys. 





5. Zach Follet: The only NFL player in history to blame an idiotic comment in the media as a by product of Satan working through him... Are you kidding me? After claiming that Matthew Stafford was "A China doll, anytime he's hit he goes down" and receiving quite a bit of backlash for it, tried to back track by claiming, "God showed me how Satan can take a little thing and twist it...I laugh, because God let me see that it was Satan." Thanks for the quick biblical lesson Zach, here's a tip for you, find your dome you may need it before you get in front of a microphone again. (Follet was release shortly after his comments) Not to mention he considers himself the next Slim Shady, releasing this rap video because he quote, "Lives near 8 mile."


4. Rene Higuita:  Nicknamed "El Loco" Rene  shows us why his nickname is so fitting through some of the more domeless actions you could expect out of a 45 year old Colombian goalkeeper. Higuita, a Rick James looking fool,  is known for his extremely aggressive goal keeping style where he will take the ball upfield an unsafe distance in order to try and be more dynamic and troublesome to the defense. This frequently blows up in his face when the ball gets stolen and finds himself woefully out of position. "El Loco" has had his share of off the field problems like many of our domeless athletes tend to have. In 1993 Higuita was arrested in a suspected kidnapping of an 11 year old girl where he served a 7 month prison sentence which he still claims his innocence over. Perhaps the most domeless thing Rene is known for is his creation of the "Scorpion Kick" which honestly you just have to see for yourself.



3. Nyger "Tony Plush" Morgan: The only man in MLB history to record a 4 base error and then blame the play on phantom whistles.
Morgan began his athletic career as a hockey player reaching the junior "B' level with the Regina Pats of the WHL. He reached the majors in 2007 with the Pirates. This spot on our list isn't just for Nyger though, He shares it with his buddy  "Tony Plush" an alternate personality of his. Nyger claims that Tony Plush doesn't hit the ball but rather "tickles" it off the bat, and apparently he doesn't care for talking in post game interviews because Tony Plush has been known to leave in the middle.



2. Wes Welker: Wes Welker must have been doing his best Trinidad James impersonation  at the Kentucky Derby. That's the only way to explain the fact that he showed up the Kentucky Derby popping molly like Flinstone Vitamins. The spectacle he put on at the Derby was instantly more impressive then any of his on the field accolades. From tossing around cash like he was at a Vegas strip club, to stumbling around like a straight fool its easily one of the more humor sports related meltdowns in recent years. He also cracked some humes at Rex Ryan's expense when he mentioned feet 11 times in a press conference before the Pats played the Jets in the playoffs. This stunt cost him; and Belichick benched him to start the game. If you aren't familiar with coach Rex's foot fetish then you should check out just how worthy this move was.




1. Pete Webber: The only thing spiraling sideways faster than his ball, is his life. Webber is one of the greatest bowlers of all time, and perhaps the most domeless athlete of all time. In 1985, he admitted to Sports Illustrated that he spent several weeks during the tour in a "complete blackout." Despite his numerous bouts with Jack Daniels and cocaine, Pete or "P.D.W" has experienced extremely prolonged success. He won his 10 P.B.A titles over an incredible 4 decade span. He is known for his trademark side spin, simply put "no other bowler has half the spin as P.D.W." He also has many humor superstitions including not allowing his wife to wear red during his competitions.





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